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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?